Eclipse

-001-

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 01:45:25 GMT

Things have been rough when I've bothered to go into the office lately. I thought working part time would keep me just busy enough to resist going insane at home all the time when Raenaf leaves for college. However, it looks like things are about to get incredibly serious around here. I'm being moved to a slightly new position--a slightly different position--and I think it's going to keep me a little more busy than I would otherwise like.

Still, what choice do I have? It's important to keep the streets safe, and to make sure that kids are staying out of trouble.

Cross, it looks like I'll be home late tonight. ~~If you get him wound up on coffee and sugar, I'll kill you when I get home.~~

(ooc: Strike hackable. This post will soon be explained by me bothering to put up his application. However, I'm too busy in chat to do it right now. ♥)

ooc

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 01:41:16 GMT

All posts before this one are from before hiatus. RY!Canon may or may not apply.

.33

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 17:56:41 GMT

Last week Cross and I had a fight--a rather big fight, to be honest. I've never been in a relationship before, so I'm not sure what all the rules are for couple's arguments, but I think this possibly broke a good deal of them. I'm not used to seeing that side of myself. I hate the way I acted then, so insulting and degrading to him. I shouldn't have said many of the things I said, but they are worries and concerns I've been carrying since the start of our relationship. Talking about things like that... I'm not sure how to do it. I don't know how to bring up such personal concerns like that. It's not that I can't catch Cross in a good enough mood to talk about it, it's just that I feel socially retarded or something.

Is it even a good idea to bring these problems up and talk about them so close to Christmas? If we ended up fighting again, it could last longer than I'd like it to. We're both incredibly stubborn when we wish to be (Cross more than others, in my opinion), and I don't want to make Christmas uncomfortable for Raenaf.

Speaking of that, I am incredibly concerned about him. When we had our fight and woke up the next morning, he had completely turned again. It's so bizarre to see him go from the playful, innocent young man to the hardened, responsible adult of his station I have tried to raise and teach him to become. I'm not sure I like that side of him, not at all. It's completely different from what I'm used to, and the doctor is unwilling to make a diagnosis, I think until he can see this side of Raenaf for himself.

Things seem to just keep getting more and more frustrating. When he's like this, I'm worried he's going to do something stupid and run off to the club again. With the way the police are cracking down, it's far too dangerous for him to do anything like that. I wish I could make him understand--I don't want him to get hurt or ruin his chances of going to a good school of his choice. He's worked so hard for his grades--it would be a shame if he could not go where he pleased because he broke the law and got caught. I wish I could just trust that he knows better, but his words and actions lately have shown me otherwise.

I hop everything straightens out soon. Cross and I have yet to talk about our fight--it's bothering me--but I might wait until after Christmas, or at least until after Raenaf is back to normal.

At least all the shopping was done a couple months ago. I refuse to venture out in those crowds.

.32

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 17:38:24 GMT

Finally, a break in the flu. This strain of it seems to be rather nasty and uncaring. I was in bed for far too long. I still feel a little weak from it but being able to eat again--and to get up and move around a little--is certainly a much better feeling than it was before I became sick. I suppose I'm more appreciative of food now, though I find I dislike being able to get out of bed and clean. ~~I am sorely tempted to have a "relapse" to enjoy the quiet for another day or too.~~ I can't push myself too hard though. I don't want the fever to return.

(ooc: Strikeout is hackable.)

.31

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 23:02:39 GMT

I'm still sick. I've had pretty much nothing to do but lie about in bed all day. At first I was still able to get up and clean while the others were away but now I can hardly focus. I did get myself to the doctor, however.

It seems I've got the flu. He's put me on medication to help with the various side effects, but the end result was that I sleep all day and then wake up feeling... odd early in the morning. I assume it's because I've slept so much.

Now I'm not sleeping well at all, and playing games online is proving to be a better distraction than anything else for now.

[Private]
I suppose this is the first time in a long time I've wished for some comforting music to fill the silence of an empty house.
/

.30

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 05:19:20 GMT

I'm sick again. To think that I'd been picking on Cross for catching two colds in a row.

At least he didn't have the flu.

I'm going to finish the dishes and then spend the day curled up in bed. I'm sure it will feel heavenly.

.29

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 04:26:06 GMT

My boyfriend seems to be having a mid-life crisis. I'm entirely sure what to do about it. Do these sort of things work themselves out eventually, or am I forever doomed to complaining about how he's so old and going to get wrinkles?

I don't think he's old, but I don't think he's going to listen to me about it either.

How frustrating.

.28

Sat, 01 Nov 2008 01:24:18 GMT

Tonight was beyond exhausting. I intend to fall into bed and not wake up until late tomorrow. Cross and Raenaf kidnapped me and forced me into a slutty witch's costume. It was rather humiliating. Then they insisted on dragging me out "Trick-or-Treating," and Cross persisted in making horrific jokes and puns that tempted me to boot him onto the couch for the rest of the year.

We're home now, and I'm worried about Raenaf getting a sugar high and being unable to sleep.

At least he's old enough to be awake alone at night.

I'm going to bed now. Cross can make sure his candy isn't filled with razors or drugs or whatever it is predators are doing to kids these days.

[Private/Hackable]

I must admit though, Cross did look incredibly... fetching in his costume and Raenaf was adorable as a fairy. At times, his enthusiasm made it difficult to hide a smile. His costume was well-received by the homes we visited.

.27

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 00:57:54 GMT

I've been scarce the last couple weeks because I somehow managed to catch the latest of Cross's colds. Somehow, it seemed worse for me than it seemed to be for him. I can't remember the last time I had one. I couldn't breathe or anything this time, and all I did was lay in bed and cough.

Thankfully that's over now.

.26

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 03:24:17 GMT

[Private. Hack this.]
My birthday is on Monday. Another year gone, another year closer to death. How exciting.

I have yet to have anybody ask me what I want for my birthday. I suspect my answer would just be a shrug anyway. I don't want material things--my one request will be to have a day off where I don't have to lift a finger, can go where I please without worrying about anything or anybody, and when I come home, the entire place is sparkling clean.

Perhaps that's a bit unrealistic. Cross would say I was acting like a housewife. Perhaps I am. It would be nice if he'd help out a little though.

Ugh. I sound like one of those sitcom housewives. Disgusting. I suppose I'll spend the whole of my 29th birthday cleaning and scrubbing and cooking again. At least it's a good reason to have cake. I wonder what kind I should bake. Chocolate seems like it would be a bit too much of an indulgence, but it sounds heavenly. Well, at least I have five days to figure it out.

Five days may not be enough. There are too many choices.

It's late. I should be trying to sleep, but despite how tired I am, I just can't seem to fall asleep. It's rather annoying, considering I need to be up in five and a half hours.

(ooc: Argh, there's a cat in my way.)

.25

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 20:45:24 GMT

[P-Hackable, of course, but not to Cross or anybody who will tell him.]
I made a secret. I wonder if they'll post it today. I've been considering asking Cross to move in, though I feel I should speak with Lord Raenaf about it first as it is his home. Cross has spent most of his time with us though, and I don't think I could easily fall asleep without him now, as much as it pains me to admit it. He has been a lifesaver these past couple weeks, with everything being so stressful.

It would be entirely too easy to fall in love with him.
[/]

forever_eclipse is nervous.

Shakey, shakey. Parkinson's patients keep inviting you to join their community and you don't know why. I'll tell you why: you're too damn high strung for your own good. Chill out, yo.

wanna know your lj's moodring color? enter your user name and hit the button. (discussion thread)

I was curious on this one, but I didn't like the answer.

Edit: [Private, Hackable]
So. It's been posted. I wonder if he'll know it's me, or how he'd take it if he knew. Still, I'm going to go outside for awhile. There's a cool breeze tonight, and a light sprinkle, but I think it'll feel calming. I suspect I'm worrying about this more than I should.
[/]

.24

Sat, 06 Sep 2008 20:51:54 GMT

I really don't know how to deal with that sort of revelation. I suppose it's normal for somebody Raenaf's age, but it was still incredibly unexpected. I'm going to go pull weeds for awhile, because maybe some fresh air will help clear my mind. I hope so. I don't think there's any good way to react to hearing something like that out of the mouth of the child I helped to raise and care for.

.23

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 23:28:11 GMT

[Private, easily hackable.]

I think I'm worse at this than I previously thought.

I don't know how to relent, or even if I should.

Edit: If I find him out on a street corner, so help me, he's never leaving the house again.

.22

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 19:37:45 GMT

This weekend has been a terrible one. On Saturday I decided to let Raenaf go out with a friend for the day, as he needed to get away from the TV awhile. I was assured that they were just going to the mall for a simple shopping trip. Needless to say, I gave her a time to have him home by and put it out of my mind for the rest of day, intending to enjoy the peace and quiet afforded by getting rid of a rambunctious teenager for the afternoon. I thought everything would be fine.

Now I am considering turning this friend of his into the police. The only reason I have not is because I doubt a pregnant woman would do that well in prison, but so help me I'm tempted nonetheless.

Instead of going shopping, she took him to a protest where a large group of people where against the ban. It's not that I mind him taking an interest in peaceful politics. Considering his station, I'm sure that's very good for him. My problem lies with the fact that this "peaceful protest" didn't remain that way. He was arrested and now, no matter what I or Cross try, we can't get him out of jail. I don't think there are any words that can clearly express the level of anger I feel right now toward her. If she called afterward and explained and apologized, perhaps I'd be a little calmer now. She didn't though, and it's been four days since he was put in jail. Four days of him probably making friends with all sorts of unsavory types. Four days of who knows what going on in that cell.

~~Four days I've been worried out of my mind and unable to sleep more than an hour at a time or eat more than a little.~~

Whenever it is that I finally get Raenaf back, I refuse to allow this "friend" near him. She may say she cares for him, but that's clearly not true. What sort of responsible adult would put a child into such a dangerous, illegal situation. She has set a terrible example for Raenaf, and will not be allowed near him again, no matter how much either may protest. If I have to hire additional bodyguards to watch him when I cannot, I will. He is no longer to be in such poor and shameless company. I hope she sets a better example for her own unborn child than she has for those who are already living.

~~Strikeout hackable.~~

.21

Sat, 16 Aug 2008 02:45:27 GMT

I suspect I'm the only person in the world who's not watching the Olympics. I have other things on my mind and schedule.

.20

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 17:22:01 GMT

I heard that a club caught fire the other night. I wonder if this is the government's response to the tower that was set aflame a couple weeks ago. If so, it's a rather childish way to go about this. Still, it doesn't really seem completely related to them. I've heard through an old friend that the man police are holding is one of the city council's members acting independently.

Of course, they're probably going to let the man go. That's how these things work, isn't it?

He shouldn't be allowed to go. After all, his attack was the one that killed innocent people... a teenager like Raenaf...

~~I don't like this.~~

[P-U/H]
Last night we came back from the beach. It was alright. I'm glad Raenaf made some new friends. Coming home to Cross was perhaps the best part of the trip. I was not expecting him to remove his mask, even in the bath. I feel... privileged, I suppose. I imagine it's not something many people have been permitted to see.
[/]

(ooc: Because I don't want to make any more posts than I have to, let this be my announcement that I'm off of hiatus and tags will come asap. I still have errands and 88 comments to get through, so have patience, please.)

.19

Sun, 03 Aug 2008 20:01:29 GMT

Well, it looks as though we're going to the beach on Wednesday. Hopefully it will be a relaxing trip.

Hopefully.

We'll be gone for a week, but I hope Raenaf will enjoy himself ~~and stay out of trouble~~.

.18

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 01:27:56 GMT

What an incredibly idiotic thing to do. I can only imagine the government will tighten their laws more over this.

~~I hope it doesn't take Cross away more. He's still sick.~~

.17

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 23:58:59 GMT

[Private, Hackable]
He likes me.

I don't think I've ever felt like this before.
[/]

[To Cross, private]
Cross, are you going to Hayasaka-san's wedding on Sunday, or would you like to stay home and rest? I have to go with Raenaf... but if you feel like coming... I'd like it if you did.
[/]

.16

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 23:03:09 GMT

Somehow, this new law manages to be simultaneously good and stupid. Hopefully it will lead to a lot of clubs getting shut down and keep trouble makers off the streets. On the other hand, more kids are going to be tempted to break curfew now. More good children are likely to be put in jail, more parents will be up late worrying.

I wonder if this will cause more harm than good. I suppose it depends on how they go about enforcing this. If they don't allow leeway for certain situations, such as school sporting events, or club or team meetings and competitions, it could cause a lot of grief for children who have to be out late whose parents can't run them. On the other hand, perhaps it would be possible to give those children some kind of special card after each event that states where they were so there are no needless arrests. Surely some kind of compromise can be had.

~~I hope Raenaf will follow this curfew. He's not typically out late anyway, so I don't see this turning into a problem--unless his friends somehow tempt him into misbehaving.~~

[P-H]
This week has been a long, hard week. I'm so glad it's nearly to an end. Aside from dealing with trouble amongst the servants here at home, my car is having trouble. I suppose that wouldn't be nearly so bad if I hadn't injured myself a few days ago, but my back and leg have yet to fully heal. And Cross is sick, so I've been taking the buses over to his apartment to check on him this week. It's been so busy, I feel like I haven't had any time to take care of things like my share of the chores, or had an opportunity to sit and read.

I wish I could have a weekend off and out of town ~~it's been years since the last time...~~, but I don't want to leave Raenaf alone that long while there's a chance he could have another episode. I suppose I could take him with me, but then it would just be work, not a vacation.

I just want a chance to have some quiet. I want a chance to think about things, especially about Cross. Snuggled up as we were the other evening... I never wanted it to stop. But the bus was coming, so I had to go, but...

I wonder what he's doing to me. Do I have the same effect on him as he has on me? Do I make him feel relaxed, yet somehow set his heart beating faster? Given his past reputation, I have to wonder if I really mean something to him, but if I didn't, wouldn't he have thrown me away by now? Things are moving so fast. Is it too fast?

Is he... my boyfriend?

Perhaps these are strange things to be wondering about. Had I a chance to stop and think, I might be able to come up with answers to my questions. For now, I suppose I'll just have to hang in there and see what develops.

I'll go and do the dishes. If nobody keeps interrupting me with questions, perhaps I can get some thinking done that way.

(ooc: Eclipse totally thinks that strikeout is private, but it is, in fact, totally viewable. Also, wtf. My muse won't shut the hell up. ._. I'm kind of weirded out by Talky!Eclipse.)

.15

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 20:17:00 GMT

This is frustrating.

.14 [Friends Only]

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 03:19:35 GMT

Despite the hell this week has been, today made it... not so bad. Yesterday I managed to hurt myself rather badly cleaning. Then the car died. So today I ended up having to take a bus to the doctor and to get groceries. I got sunburned, a little, but other than that, things turned out alright.

I think I need to get used to other people doing things for me--I'm not really used to it, even little things like opening doors, or helping me with my hair. It throws me off guard some, I think.

But I don't mind. Today was the best day I've had in a long time.

.13

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 02:04:20 GMT

Tuesday I am apparently being dragged out to some art show. Raenaf is spending the night with Hayasaka-san, but before that, he apparently wishes to make me something to wear on Tuesday. ~~Cross, we need to drop him off. Is that alright with you?~~

[P-U/H-Cross]
I have nothing to do Wednesday though, so I suppose it doesn't matter how long we stay out. The rest of the staff can keep things under control, I'm sure.
[/]

.12

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 00:20:29 GMT

[P-H-Rae and Yukari (and maybe Cross?) only]
I find myself thinking of him a lot lately. My mind drifts off in the middle of a task, and I have to reel it back in.

How distracting.

I'm sure Raenaf must have noticed by now. He has yet to call me on it, at least: I don't know how I'd explain this if he did say something.

I wonder if it's okay to call him. I could use some company--or at least a friendly voice.

Perhaps this time I won't hang up before the first ring.

Edit: Well... Raenaf knows now. At least he has yet to ask things I haven't figured out myself.

[Private, not hackable]
Edit #2: I couldn't do it. It still feels strange to want to call him and ask to talk or to see him.

I'll try again in a bit. ~~Or perhaps he'll call me in the meantime.~~

.11

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 18:10:40 GMT

Master Raenaf is home now. I'm glad to have him out of the hospital--it was way too quiet here. I'm sure the level of noise will increase exponentially once I begin trying to catch him up on his schoolwork.

I will be incredibly busy these next few days, I am sure, though... I will not be impossible to get a hold of.